Notions
by Christine Lennoire
Summary: Ideas of a sort lead to a long chain of thoughts between nobodies, as their beliefs change and morph as they learn more and more by trusting in each other. DemyxZexion
1. Notions on his Sitar

Notions

By Christine Lennoire

I. Notions on his Sitar

Most musicians who choose to wield a stringed instrument these days – chose the guitar. Not Demyx. Because he wasn't a somebody to be included in that group of musicians anyway. Demyx was a nobody. And not just a nobody in the sense we use it in today. He was a 'nobody' who was created, not born. Created of the darkness in people's hearts when they become heartless, that is. As a nobody, he chose to be different and stand out – he played the sitar...

It made a beautiful sound, Demyx found out, and he liked it more than anything else. As the hours floated by, with nothing to do in The Castle That Never Was, he found that he could entertain himself with numerous compositions on his strange and beautiful instrument. And it could go to lengths that he himself could not. With it – he communicated phantom emotions that he himself could not feel, but could only dream of.

With his precious sitar, he could emulate a song that mirrored feelings that he once had and bring them to life once again. Music lamented for him, the loss of things oh so valuable to him... things that the heartless took for granted. So his sitar played on – going through all the emotions – going through the motions of a normal musician: writing music, performing, and yet, never feeling. He let his sitar do the feeling for him. Yet, it was never the same.

His thoughts ran wild. While it seemed that he never really thought too deeply on matters of the world, Demyx did. But he did it from behind his precious instrument, while plucking the strings and telling a story with the long and flowing, or sharp and painful notes of each individual piece. Hope was overrated, he told himself.

Everyone knew that they didn't have emotions. So how come this instrument – an inanimate object no less – how come his sitar could create such feelings and he himself could not? The world was never fair, but it had never seemed so unfair before as it did to him now, as he picked up the odd instrument and began a loud and angsty tune like he had never composed before.

Zexion listened from outside the boy's door, and listened to his mind's confused and angry thoughts, as he began to contemplate it himself... and form a few _notions_ of his own...


	2. Notions on Heartless Emotions

Notions

II. Notions on Heartless Emotions

Zexion paced back and forth in his small room with various thoughts filling the space. What he had heard earlier had him in a sticky predicament, and he couldn't stop thinking. A sitar is an instrument, and that technically means 'a tool'. So, still speaking technically, it should not have emotions of it's own, like Demyx so foolishly implied. That could not be true, even for a 'musical' instrument of the sort. Even with all his pondering, Zexion was still in the dark.

Did that mean that if the instrument did not hold emotions, then did that imply that somehow, Demyx did? No – that was almost as silly as the notion on his sitar having feelings. There was no possible way that someone without a heart – like Demyx – could have emotions or feelings. Is there such a thing as heartless emotions? No, Zexion was sure there was not, could not, would not, SHOULD not, be such a thing.

Since they had come there, to The Castle That Never Was, Xemnas had told them all the same thing. Even when it was just the six of them, he lead them – but he was always blunt in telling them that they had no hearts or emotions. Xemnas made sure that they did not forget. After all these years of repetition, Zexion should know these things did not exist. And yet – there was a doubt in his mind that had never been there before.

Vexen always told him that experimentation was the key to discovering answers. And he always told him that data was the only true proof. To hold proof in your hand will destroy the words of even the greatest men, he says. So could it be, with these thoughts, this – proof, he could prove Xemnas wrong? Could it be that there were emotions inside of them, even though it was obvious to the touch that they did not have living, beating hearts?

"Experimentation..." Zexion said it aloud, to test the word on his tongue. There was emotion in that song he heard earlier. And Vexen always told him about this law – he vaguely remembered it from his days in the lab – it says that nothing comes from nothing, and therefore, something originates from somewhere. So where did the emotion from Demyx's song come from? It was his greatest wish to take this on – and find out for himself the answers.

This could change everything he had ever known... every notion he ever had in his head... should he search further, he may find answers he never dreamed of before in his life... good... or bad... but he couldn't stop his mind from desiring the true knowledge... but who could help him in his studies? Vexen was too serious, and most of the others avoided him because of his rank or his attitude... all except for one... Demyx... perhaps he could get him to cooperate...

Actually, it was really hard to write that. Zexion's mind is a difficult thing to try and delve in to. I'm quite happy with it though, now, so... please review and tell me what you think!

Christine Lennoire


	3. Notions on Routine Solutions

Notions

By Christine Lennoire

III. Notions on Routine Solutions

Zexion had been weary of asking Demyx to help him. So he followed his gut instinct and chose not to. Like always, his calculations were right. He didn't need to initiate anything. Demyx came of his own free will. All Zexion had to do was try to get some peace and quiet, and like magic, Demyx would come looking for him. It was almost very routine for them at this point.

Demyx would practically bounce over to Zexion, who was sitting in the library, pretending to concentrate on his latest studies. But his latest studies were more interested in the boy coming at him. He tried to act normal. Zexion turned another page without looking up, and apparently Demyx didn't know that it had only been seconds since the last page turn, because he just kept going as usual.

"Hey Zexy!" he said pulling up a chair and sitting next to Zexion, who feigned annoyance. Well, he really didn't have to try too hard. Everyone knew his hatred for Demyx's little pet-name. Demyx didn't stop there. He was practically in Zexion's face, glancing at the book with vague curiosity and a huge grin on his face. "What'cha readin'?" he asked curiously, inching closer.

Zexion snapped the book shut suddenly, and put his face right next to Demyx's so that they were hardly an inch apart. "Never mind that. I have something to ask you." Now, bewildered didn't even come close to Demyx's reaction. It was very unlike Zexion to talk back to him unless it was something pessimistic, or just plain telling him to go away.

Demyx was practically dragged to Zexion's room. Now, he had never been in there before, and he felt privileged. Zexion never got close to anyone like that. Neither Vexen or Luxaeus had seen his room before, and they were considered his 'friends'. As soon as he was thrown inside, Zexion looked around to make sure no one saw and then hurried inside himself.

Now Demyx was looking around with interest. It wasn't all black... lilac, too... kinda like his hair looked sometimes, when in the right light. Zexion wasted no time – he pulled Demyx close and began to whisper in his ear. "Now listen close... I'm doing an experiment... and you, are my test subject. I heard you the other day... when you were playing... so let's get this straight... I have some notions about this, and I bet you do too... let's compare them and see where it gets us..."

Yay! Now Zexy and Demyx are a team. Another chapter added. I hope you like it. Continue reading and reviewing! Cookies in the Review Lounge! Enjoy them. I made them myself!

Christine Lennoire


	4. Notions on Love

Notions

By Christine Lennoire

IV. Notions on Love

What was happening to him? Zexion could feel the outer walls of isolating breaking down upon him in a moment of unrest. But it was just the sort of reaction he expected. What else could you expect, when you were hoping to find traces of emotions in you that you're convinced don't exist? You get unexpected surprises. You get weird results. And when that's what you're looking for... keep going.

Zexion thought this would be a team effort – that was what he had been hoping for. But he never could have guessed that his wonderful plans would be shattered by an impulse greater than all the logic he had in his entire brain. Not even his wise quick-track mind could save him from the compelling need that filled his soul – if he were to believe there is a soul.

His lips had claimed another's, and it seemed like he liked it. Who was he kidding? He loved it. And an emotion he had never dreamed possible, seemed to rise from his non-existent heart, all the way to his throat. He couldn't speak, he couldn't think, he couldn't control it, and he couldn't stop. No, he was going to keep going, in hopes of finding some answers to his question.

Yeah right... that's what he told himself to reassure himself, but that wasn't it at all. It was a matter of him and Demyx... and neither moving apart. Neither of them wanted to break the bond that they had formed, and in brand new ways they were able to connect. Not only mentally, but also very physically, and truthfully... very passionately.

Demyx didn't know why, and Demyx didn't care. He could feel Zexion caressing his hair. And you know what – he liked it, and he didn't stop to question why. He kept on going... and there was no fancy reason – no compelling kind of story or complicated equation. They did what they wanted and went with what felt right and for the first time in his life...

He was sure that he felt. Because it felt so real. There was nothing on this earth, quite like this feeling. And he was right in the middle of it, with a guy he hardly knew. But he couldn't care less, because Zexy felt it too. There was fervor, there was passion, there was feeling – and even though it shouldn't exist... for a moment, Zexion's mind comprehended something great...

This must be the feeling he heard so much about. For the life of him, it took him forever to figure out. But this was it, and he was feeling it. These thoughts of his centered around one emotion... one feeling... one thing, and one thing alone... these were notions based on love... and why, he wasn't sure, but he was hoping that this experiment might lead to more...

Answers were no longer the only thing he was searching for...

Another chapter done. Thank you for all your reviews. Keep it up, and I will keep updating. I liked this one better than my last. It was more in depth and emotional, yet thoughtful. Tell me what you think. Please review! Fresh cookies!

Christine Lennoire


	5. Notions on Lies

Notions

By Christine Lennoire

V. Notions on Lies

Demyx stared at the wall in front of him in a dazed sort of fashion. In all his days living here, in The Castle That Never Was, he had never experienced anything like he just had. Xemnas had told them that they were heartless and that the only form of 'feelings' that they could posses, weren't even really feelings, but merely the memories they had of them – once upon a time.

It was always – You are heartless. You don't have feelings. Well, Demyx wanted to throw him from the highest tower some days. He was tired of hearing it. Even if it was true, how could someone say it so freely? Did Xemnas forget that he was talking about himself as well? Or did he just forget what it felt like to care or feel hurt? Because Demyx knew he felt hurt every time he heard Xemnas say those things.

But right now, Demyx didn't feel like throwing Xemnas from the highest tower... no, he wanted very badly to do something else – to be rash and daring... and to just push every button that he knew Xemnas had. He wanted to do something that would make him feel better, and at the same time, show Xemnas a thing or two...

What he wanted... was to run up to him, tap him on the shoulder... and scream "LIAR!" right in his face. Demyx was sure that he would feel better after that, if he only could. He smiled at the thought of Xemnas' face after he screamed said word in his ear. Would he be angry? No... Xemnas didn't believe in that. He'd probably just beat the hell out of Demyx...

But if he did... it was only to hide the fact that he wasn't ready to see the error of his ways. Demyx wanted him to fight back... but most importantly, he would wait forever just to hear Xemnas say that he was wrong. Sure, Demyx was already aware of the fact that he was right and Xemnas was wrong, but... it would just be so sweet to have the Superior have to tell everyone the truth. Demyx wanted to hear the words.

If he didn't... could things just go on like this? Had he just lived a lie by initiating the most wonderful thing he had ever experienced in his life. Was it all a lie? He would not accept that. The sleeping nobody next to him seemed to stir, as if he could read his mind. Demyx laughed silently to himself and laid his head back down. No – but if anyone could ever do such a thing, he believed it would be Zexy...

All the lies fell away the moment he decided to look past... and as Zexion slept, he sat there with a pen and some paper – writing down his new notions... just because Zexion had let himself be kissed by the blonde wouldn't change anything. He liked data and proof and he liked it in writing. So Demyx complied, writing down every notion that went through his mind since the kiss...

'Won't Zexy be proud of me...?' he grinned to himself, laughing... and then looking back to the notions written down on paper... 'What does it mean...?'

Christine Lennoire


	6. Notions on Indecision and Open Space

Notions

By Christine Lennoire

VI. Notions on Indecision and Open Space

Zexion woke up, feeling his hair being gently stroked. There was a breath, slow and gentle, on his face. He sat up carefully so he wouldn't disturb the sleeping nobody. It didn't even take a second for him to realize the truth of the situation. And frightened, the younger boy panicked and hurried out into the halls. For once, he just needed to get away – he didn't care if he was running away... he needed to rebuild the boundaries.

All his life, he had decided to remain distant – unsure of himself, and the truth. Now, his experiment brought him closer than ever to discovering what he needed to find out, and he was too scared. This closeness would destroy the walls of ice and force him to either believe in these things that felt like feelings, or dismiss all feelings as lies – just like Xemnas always told them they were.

Still, he couldn't decide. He was stuck in the middle of bliss and disaster, and he wanted to go back but he just kept running. It's the only thing he knew to do, ever since he was little, he'd been running away from things like this – feelings that seemed so real, and yet – were non-existing in his world. There was no going back, so he had to come up with some answer. But his mind had just shut down.

For the whole night, he had let the walls melt, and his feelings ruled his life, his actions, his mind, and his soul, if there was such a thing... everything. Now the truth of all of this came back to haunt him. He believed in it – every second of what happened last night had been what he had been waiting for all his life, though it took him so long to realize it. But he still couldn't decide whether to let himself give in, or to leave things as they were.

There were pros and cons, but either way – he had to go back. Either way, he had to tell Demyx something. When he slipped back into the room, the nobody was still sleeping. But this time, Zexion took note of the paper in his other hand – the hand that had not been touching his hair. He slipped over and took it from him as carefully as he could.

Everything was there. And Zexion smiled. He was making Demyx act like him. That thought changed everything. He frowned. "Don't be like me... please. You are young and alive and unfrozen. You have some semblance of a life to live. I am a hollow shell... but... I've made my decision." he said, slipping back into bed. He ripped up the piece of paper and threw it onto the floor beside his bed.

Everything was about to change... but Zexion decided he was tired of running. His notions could wait... he was going back to sleep...

Yes, very sweet ending. I myself particularly liked the ending. Tell me what you think. Please review! Food and drink in the review lounge! Please help yourself while sending me a few words of encouragement, advice, praise... whatever. thank you!

Christine Lennoire


	7. No More Notions Just Believe

Notions

By Christine Lennoire

VII. No More Notions... Just Believe

Demyx was surprised to see that Zexion was still there when he woke up an hour later. Although he admitted that it was exactly the way he wanted it, he wondered if it wasn't a little too unlike Zexy. He'd like to think that everything has changed. Because he secretly knew that he wanted to wake up like this everyday from now on. Still, he thought that that was too much to ask for.

Zexion was calm, cool, and calculating. He hated being bold and acting on impulses. Everything he did, he researched and planned and plotted over and over again. And most importantly, he lived his life, based on proof... the idea that there was something TELLING him that it was true fact and could be proven just like any other fact. That's why he remained cold.

There was still no proof that they had any emotions... there was no data saying that it was possible for Demyx to love Zexion, or for Zexion to be in love with Demyx. But still... here Zexion was, showing the weak, loving side of himself, without any reason to believe that anything has changed. Demyx couldn't help but smile, and instantly fall in love with the new side of himself that Zexion was showing him.

For a moment, Zexion just laid there, listening to Demyx's thoughts as they raced. He was thinking of something wise or insightful to say, like he would have any other time. But then he realized that that wasn't the sort of thing that Demyx needed to hear right then. No... he needed something deep... something sweet... something loving, and... something quite emotional...

'Here goes nothing...' Zexion said, putting on his bravest face and opening his eyes, letting Demyx realize his awakened state, as he began to piece together the words that were in his 'maybe-real-or-maybe-not-real', heart. And when he thought that there were ordered in the best way that they possibly could be, he opened his mouth.

"Demyx... this is the strangest thing I have ever come across. An experiment that can't be measured in numbers or observations, words or facts... And I never thought things like this could exist. But in a world where we can never be sure if anything EVER exists, I suppose it is not as strange as I seem to be making it. So I am done with this... done with all the experiments... all the papers... the reports... the hell with it all. It never told me the things I really needed to know."

Zexion smiled. "I learned more from you... a somewhat crazy musician... than those numbers and words could ever say. No more ideas... no more false accusations... I have something stronger... faith. From now on, I'm throwing all those stupid notions out the door, and I'm just going to believe... believe in what this feeling is telling me, deep down inside. It's hard being strong all the time... pretending that you don't care..."

"But you're never alone..." Demyx grinned, practically tackling him on the bed. "After all we've been through, believing should be easy..." he laughed...

Alright... yes, it's over. BUT! Never fear! There is a sequel coming up soon. I hope you all liked it, and please! All of you review and tell me what you think, and I hope to all see you again when the sequel makes it's debut!

Christine Lennoire


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